Bogdan de Barbaro, Lucyna Drożdżowicz, Bernadetta Janusz, Katarzyna Gdowska

Terapia małżeńska jako "szukanie dobrych słów"                 29

Marital therapy: seeking "the right words"   29

Summary:

A key point in marital therapy is a contract defining the aim and form of the therapy. Contrary to appearances this is a difficult task. The problem arises because in spite of external declarations of interest in and readiness to undergo therapy, the partners remain rooted in very different stories, in which the common denominator is the treatment of the marital problems in categories of "guilt — wrong". In these stories, the partners generally level mutual accusations, assuming, usually defensively, the ill will of the other person. This creates destructive connections that make agreement impossible. In therapy the partners are encouraged to "exchange words", seek new versions and attribute new meanings. The new words agreed upon together in time become their own, familiar ones. The fundamental aim of this concept of therapy is to "come out of the courtroom" into a space of mutual understanding. Therapy can be considered successful when exchanges and agreement of words are followed by changes in behaviour.